Dealing with Criticism + Rejection |

Business and Marketing for Massage and Bodywork Therapists

Episode 17.

MINDY TOTTEN: Again and again and again — detach from outcomes. Let your business be a conduit to be of service to those who ARE ready, and who are just waiting for you to get over your fears about putting yourself out there.

MINDY TOTTEN: Welcome to Do It With Intention, the podcast for massage and bodywork therapists. I'm your host, Mindy Totten, a mentor and coach for bodyworkers who want to turn their passion for the work that they do into successful businesses that they love, all without burning out or selling out.

For the last 15+ years, I've created a successful six figure CranioSacral Therapy practice in a small city in coastal North Carolina. Over those years, I've met so many skilled, big-hearted therapists who are struggling to make their bodywork businesses work for them, not because they weren't terrific therapists, but because they didn't know how to make the business side of their practices work.

It became my mission to help other massage and bodywork therapists build practices that support not only their souls but also their bottom lines. On the Do It With Intention podcast, we'll dive deep into what it takes to build and to sustain a profitable massage or bodywork business.

We'll have honest conversations about what really works (and what doesn't) as you create the ideal practice for you.

After all, you do great work in the world, and you deserve to make a great living doing it. But you've got to be intentional about it, not only in your modality, but in your business too. And THAT’s how bodyworkers Do It With Intention.

Hey, Hey there. And welcome back to the Do It With Intention podcast!

Today's episode is talking about how to deal with rejection and criticism. And this is so, so difficult for so many massage and body workers. I know it was difficult for me, and still is difficult for me.

I mean, nobody wants to have to deal with people telling them that they're not good enough, or saying no, or giving maybe quote-unquote constructive criticism that maybe isn't all that constructive.

So how do you deal with criticism and rejection?

The first thing I want you to remember is that there are two sides to this really. So there is people who may not be a good fit for the modality that you practice, right? So they, you know, you might say afterwards, Oh, how do you feel? And they say, Oh, you know, I didn't really feel anything.

And then your heart drops. You say, Oh no, I'm terrible at this. That's one part of it.

Another part of it is dealing with criticism and rejection in your business. So perhaps you've been to reach out to somebody in your community who also does similar work, and you're thinking about setting up a referral partnership, and you send something out and you don't hear anything.

So that's a different kind of rejection. And you will need to deal with both of these scenarios.

These are things that have actually happened to me. Do any of them sound familiar to you?

You're working with a client whose situation is really demanding, maybe she's in chronic pain or she winces whenever you move your hands, or maybe have a client who has terrifying memories that he expresses during the session, or maybe you've just been working with someone for a really long time and she seems to have reached a plateau, it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

Sometimes the client will complain or say something and sometimes not, but after the session you feel drained, you're tired, you're discouraged, you have no energy and it's difficult to focus on the next client.

By the end of the day, you feel depleted, sad, exhausted, and you can't imagine how you're going to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again. Anyone feeling that who’s listening in?

If this sounds like you, you might need to do a couple things.

You might need to shore up your grounding skills and your boundaries because if you're taking on the emotions or even the aches and pains of your clients, you're not coming from a grounded healing space therapeutically.

The first step to getting into that space is to realize what is really going on during a bodywork session, so realizing that you're a conduit to healing and not the actual person doing the healing is the single most liberating and grounding thing that you can do for you and your practice.

As I said therapeutically AND on the business side of your practice.

A mentor of mine once shared with me a phrase that I use all the time now. He said, “no credit, no blame.”

What this means is that I'm off the hook to feeling responsible for somebody else's well-being. When I'm not attached to a client getting well, then I'm free to be in a space of openness with them, and I can facilitate their healing with ease and with grace.

But when I'm attached to the outcome, you know these thoughts that go through your mind. Sometimes things like this person has to get better. I have to find the right thing to do. What should I be doing next? When I'm attached to the outcome, I can no longer come from that neutral space and I can no longer be present for them to allow a true healing to occur.

So the other side of “no credit, no blame” is that if your client improves, you realize that it's not about you.

It's not because of you, you are merely facilitating and following the body's lead. Once I started coming from this place, I found that I felt energized and peaceful at the end of the day, and here's the thing, my clients were doing better. They were healing with much more ease much more quickly.

It's the innate wisdom of the body that allows healing to occur, and it's the same thing with your business.

For example, if you ask someone if they'd like to rebook, and they say they're going to wait or when you send out a newsletter announcing a workshop that you've created and you're really excited and you hear nothing, crickets and tumbleweeds, or like I said earlier, maybe you're going to contact a health care provider in town to set up a meeting to see if your work is complimentary and you hear nothing.

When this happens to you and your business, and I promise you it will at some time, I want you to remember what we've been talking about here today.

It's not your job to try to get everyone to like you or your work. Your work is not going to appeal to everybody and it's not your job to try to do things like discount your services in an effort to get more clients through the door.

Your job is to show up again and again and again, show up in your business to be of service because if somebody says no today, ask someone else tomorrow. If you don't hear back from someone, follow up, follow up and follow up again. The fortune is in the followup as they say in the business world again and again and again.

I want you to try to detach from outcomes.

Let your business be a conduit to be of service to those who ARE ready, and are just waiting for you to get over your fears about putting yourself out there.

And if you get rejected, which you will, you absolutely will, remember it's not about you.

Here's what I do. I bless the person, I usually do it non-verbally cause I don't want to, you know, be too much in anyone's face or anything, but I non-verbally bless the person and wish them well on their journey. Bless the person and then let it go.

And then the most important piece of all: show up again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Put yourself out there over and over and over again. This is a non-negotiable: keep showing up, and you'll build that resiliency muscle that will serve you well in your practice…

So what do I do on those mornings? Say I've had a terrible afternoon the day before, I've reached out to a lot of people. I haven't heard much of anything, nobody's rebooked anything. Here are the steps that I use the next morning to get up and to put myself out there again and again and again.

I sit very, very still and I do my best to still my mind. Just relax, focus on my breathing, I follow my breath and then I feel my feet on the floor that works for me to ground I ground myself, I'm focused, relaxed, and then go for it. I want you to try the same thing. I want you to go for it. Reach out, make the call, ask for the rebooking and then breathe a sigh of relief. No matter whether they responded to you or not, because you showed up, you did it.

You put yourself out there to be in service for other people and that energy will start to build momentum and you'll start to see shifts in your practice. This is your job. This is your only job in this beautiful bodywork business that you are building to show up again and again and again despite any rejection, despite your fears, despite criticism.

Just keep showing up, keep doing the work and keep putting yourself out there to be of service to others in the world. I know that you can do this. I'm cheering you on.

Remember, you do great work in the world and you deserve to make a great living doing it.

Thanks for coming on this journey with me today. I know what it takes to find time to fit something like a podcast into your busy day, and I so, so appreciate that you tuned in and listened to all the way to the end. We've got all the links from today's episode in the show notes that you can find over at MindyTotten.com/podcast. That's Mindy Totten, T O T T E N.com/podcast.

If you really enjoyed today's conversation, I'd love for you to take a quick moment to leave a review on Apple podcasts. And make sure that you subscribe so that you can download each episode as soon as it comes out.

That'll help us get this podcast in front of more massage and bodyworkers like you, so that we can all work together to make the world a touch kinder.

Okay. That's it for today. It's my pleasure and my privilege to be with you on this journey. I'll see you next week, same place, same time. Until then, get out there and Do It With Intention.